If anyone realized, my last post was 2 years ago.... Hahaha... well, not going to comment on that... Plenty if stuffs happened in these 2 years... And I can't say I haven't changed at all... Changes did happen, for better or worse, I don't know... =)
I've learnt a lot in my life after Secondary school... Somehow the teachers aren't there to take care of every silly mistake you're gonna make... In secondary school, they will see you all the way through... But outside the small bubble of secondary school, in reality, you fall, you pick yourself up again and continue the journey... At most is you'll have a friend to help you out... We have to learn from all the mistakes we make, big or small... and that will make us more independent and responsible.....
In my life as a student in matrics, i can't say I really enjoyed my time here... But as quoted, even bad things don't last forever... At the end, I made it out alive, one piece, although shaken by the 10 months but still breathing... This is just a small part in life that we have to go through... And I didn't regret the choices I made.... And now it's over, I have 5 months of blissfulness and freedom which I had deprived myself for the 10 months... You can ask any matric student and I'm sure most of them will tell that they even feel guilty if they don't study for more than 5 hours (besides sleeping of course)... But that kind of life doesn't last forever...
And I'm proud to say I've finished the programme and glad to move on to another chapter of my life... And hence, the new chapter is just about to begin.... =)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Untitled
Okaaayyy... So I'll start my mouldy blog with how we LOST at the B.Jaring com...
See wat u get when u put ur hopes too high??
Broken hearts...
We ALL thought we could win.. And we COULD... Just many careless mistakes... And we ended up blaming one another for our lost... How 'sporting' is dat?
But everything and everyone was fine after a h*ll load of scolding from everyone..
Xcept me.. I was the only one in the team emo-ing (if dat's how they put it)...
I dun noe wat's wrong with me these days...
I just wanna remain depress no matter how hard I try to get rid of the feeling...
I really hate to ruin other ppl's happiness with my freakish moods, but I often seem to fail...
All this while, I've been hiding under my own mask of happiness...
Nothing can touch me... I was just happy, joyful, carefree me...
But then, my armour was breached, and the hole is slowly getting bigger...
Now I'm getting more and more selfish. Last time, I wouldn't think twice of making a fool of myself just to make ppl happy... I don't care if they laugh with me or at me... My priority was always other ppl's happiness.. Now, the world seem to only revolve around me and my moods... I feel so selfish, yet I cannot do anything about it no matter how hard I try..
I'll just start blaming everything on my teenage mood swings... I really hope this IS normal...
I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up (die, pass away, pushing daisies...)
I want to bask in my own sorrows, but at the same time, I WANT soooooo badly someone to talk to... I need someone to open up to. I dun noe how much longer I can last...
I duwan to feel dis way, yet the choice is not mine to make...
I need to TALK!! Only talking and laughing can make me feel close to normal again...
But when everyone sees my scary mood, all they want is to leave me alone 4ever, even my friends.. So I guess I'm all alone to face my many problems... Even IF someone wants to help, I have no idea how he or she could...
Somtimes, I feel so confident. Like the world is mine to conquer. But the next minute, I could feel insecure and small, I'm afraid that even my presence may piss someone off... My feelings are like a roller coaster, only ten times more loops and jumps...
I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to laugh with...
I guess it's still just me and my moods for the time being..
And it sucks...
_end_
See wat u get when u put ur hopes too high??
Broken hearts...
We ALL thought we could win.. And we COULD... Just many careless mistakes... And we ended up blaming one another for our lost... How 'sporting' is dat?
But everything and everyone was fine after a h*ll load of scolding from everyone..
Xcept me.. I was the only one in the team emo-ing (if dat's how they put it)...
I dun noe wat's wrong with me these days...
I just wanna remain depress no matter how hard I try to get rid of the feeling...
I really hate to ruin other ppl's happiness with my freakish moods, but I often seem to fail...
All this while, I've been hiding under my own mask of happiness...
Nothing can touch me... I was just happy, joyful, carefree me...
But then, my armour was breached, and the hole is slowly getting bigger...
Now I'm getting more and more selfish. Last time, I wouldn't think twice of making a fool of myself just to make ppl happy... I don't care if they laugh with me or at me... My priority was always other ppl's happiness.. Now, the world seem to only revolve around me and my moods... I feel so selfish, yet I cannot do anything about it no matter how hard I try..
I'll just start blaming everything on my teenage mood swings... I really hope this IS normal...
I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up (die, pass away, pushing daisies...)
I want to bask in my own sorrows, but at the same time, I WANT soooooo badly someone to talk to... I need someone to open up to. I dun noe how much longer I can last...
I duwan to feel dis way, yet the choice is not mine to make...
I need to TALK!! Only talking and laughing can make me feel close to normal again...
But when everyone sees my scary mood, all they want is to leave me alone 4ever, even my friends.. So I guess I'm all alone to face my many problems... Even IF someone wants to help, I have no idea how he or she could...
Somtimes, I feel so confident. Like the world is mine to conquer. But the next minute, I could feel insecure and small, I'm afraid that even my presence may piss someone off... My feelings are like a roller coaster, only ten times more loops and jumps...
I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to laugh with...
I guess it's still just me and my moods for the time being..
And it sucks...
_end_
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
RaNDOM POSTS
Huh~ It's been sooo long since I updated my blog...
I can skip all the apologies cuz I noe it will be years until the nxt post..
Just typing everything random I can think of..
Just finish reasing my skool BM novel 'Seteguh Karang",
and I did a very unexpected thing... I actually cried....
Ahaha~ Not that Im a real emotional person or anything (Mayb just a TEEEny bit)
Anyway, the story was so touching, abbout a girl who had to face her life...
Okay~ that may soung boring... But it's just the way the author writes it that makes it soo real...
I can really feel the main character's (anis) pain. I cried like 3 times during the whole story...
The feeling and the pain that Anis felt was really well described.. Kinda made me feel her pain as well.. So, I guess that's y I cried.. Cuz of some imaginary character's hardship in a story...
At least the way the story was told was quie cool and real (means wat ppl will usually think)...
Not that kind of typical malay lame stories where they have to repeat everyting other ppl say and act polite...
This novel has some cool jokes which most of the 'polite' novels lack...
Plus, what Anis thinks is really cool.. Haha~ She hates mushy love movies as well and will get mad easily... And there's kind of a twillight feeling in it... (just a bit, no need to feel insulted, twillight fans)... Ah~ a good story indeed!!! Hu tot that such a novel will be chosen as our literature.. haha...
So, in conclusion......... I LOVE this novel...
So, plz dun critisize the crying part of me... Just blame it on the teenage hormones... =)
And, I would like to dedicate this small portion of my humble blog to Hui Linn, if she's reading..
I really am going to miss you!!! I don't feel that I can laugh as hard without you..
You are by far the first person whom I think have the same sense of humour with me.. And I think I can nvr find another.. Hope tat u will still remember lil' old me when u r in Aus...
And don't u dare cum back wif an Austrailian slang!! haha~ gonna miss u, a lot... =)
_end_
I can skip all the apologies cuz I noe it will be years until the nxt post..
Just typing everything random I can think of..
Just finish reasing my skool BM novel 'Seteguh Karang",
and I did a very unexpected thing... I actually cried....
Ahaha~ Not that Im a real emotional person or anything (Mayb just a TEEEny bit)
Anyway, the story was so touching, abbout a girl who had to face her life...
Okay~ that may soung boring... But it's just the way the author writes it that makes it soo real...
I can really feel the main character's (anis) pain. I cried like 3 times during the whole story...
The feeling and the pain that Anis felt was really well described.. Kinda made me feel her pain as well.. So, I guess that's y I cried.. Cuz of some imaginary character's hardship in a story...
At least the way the story was told was quie cool and real (means wat ppl will usually think)...
Not that kind of typical malay lame stories where they have to repeat everyting other ppl say and act polite...
This novel has some cool jokes which most of the 'polite' novels lack...
Plus, what Anis thinks is really cool.. Haha~ She hates mushy love movies as well and will get mad easily... And there's kind of a twillight feeling in it... (just a bit, no need to feel insulted, twillight fans)... Ah~ a good story indeed!!! Hu tot that such a novel will be chosen as our literature.. haha...
So, in conclusion......... I LOVE this novel...
So, plz dun critisize the crying part of me... Just blame it on the teenage hormones... =)
And, I would like to dedicate this small portion of my humble blog to Hui Linn, if she's reading..
I really am going to miss you!!! I don't feel that I can laugh as hard without you..
You are by far the first person whom I think have the same sense of humour with me.. And I think I can nvr find another.. Hope tat u will still remember lil' old me when u r in Aus...
And don't u dare cum back wif an Austrailian slang!! haha~ gonna miss u, a lot... =)
_end_
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Ressurected
This blog is officially ressurected by me..
Didn have to time to write in it...
Hmm~ let's see.. wat's new??
Well, I came back from the training...
And Im proud to say that I really kept enjoying the Lord after coming back.. Even until 2day... I can't say that I've abided in the Lord for 24 hours the whole day, but I did have some improvement... =D Praise the Lord..
Oh~ and my little dark secret is out... Or should I say my big black horrible secret which has been hidden for ages and no one ecxept God knew...
Now, it has been made known to a few ppl...
But unfortunately, I dun feel the relief I was hoping to feel after the secret is out...
The main problem is because this BIG PROBLEM is still bothering me.
And I have simply no idea hoe to overcome it...
But I will try... My very best...
Oh~ And I have to preach the gospel during skool reopens..
I always promise myself that I will. But I failed miserably..
So, this time, I will pray to the Lord, and ask for strength for me to have the burden...
I really dun wan my frens to point at me on judgement day and say:
"You!! You didn preached the gospel to us, now we have to suffer bcuz of YOU... " (aiks..)
And Rachel is coming this Saturday... Hurray!!!
I dun think I can take it anymore... It's sooo boring, cus my sis left for one month...
And Im all alooone (wif my parents)... With no one to laugh with... =(
So, thank God for Rachel!! =)
p/s: I miss my lil' sis... =(
_end_
Didn have to time to write in it...
Hmm~ let's see.. wat's new??
Well, I came back from the training...
And Im proud to say that I really kept enjoying the Lord after coming back.. Even until 2day... I can't say that I've abided in the Lord for 24 hours the whole day, but I did have some improvement... =D Praise the Lord..
Oh~ and my little dark secret is out... Or should I say my big black horrible secret which has been hidden for ages and no one ecxept God knew...
Now, it has been made known to a few ppl...
But unfortunately, I dun feel the relief I was hoping to feel after the secret is out...
The main problem is because this BIG PROBLEM is still bothering me.
And I have simply no idea hoe to overcome it...
But I will try... My very best...
Oh~ And I have to preach the gospel during skool reopens..
I always promise myself that I will. But I failed miserably..
So, this time, I will pray to the Lord, and ask for strength for me to have the burden...
I really dun wan my frens to point at me on judgement day and say:
"You!! You didn preached the gospel to us, now we have to suffer bcuz of YOU... " (aiks..)
And Rachel is coming this Saturday... Hurray!!!
I dun think I can take it anymore... It's sooo boring, cus my sis left for one month...
And Im all alooone (wif my parents)... With no one to laugh with... =(
So, thank God for Rachel!! =)
p/s: I miss my lil' sis... =(
_end_
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Dreadful results
I was kinda anticipating my results...
Wandering how horrible it was...
So, the last few days, teachers have been marking like half-crazes marking machines...
Well, we can say dat they were marking at the speed of light bcuz they had a deadline...
Hahaha... But dat may be bad news for us students...
Fast crazy marking teachers may not mark properly or even go through wat students have been writing for 2 hours and all their heart or blood that was shed while answering...
Maybe it's too dramatic...
Anyway, when I got my results back, sadly, I didn leap up into the air or shout happily...
The best I could afford was a frown and say : Maybe d next one will be better...
But, unfortunately, the next one was NOT BETTER...
In fact, it was almost the same...
This is wat I got after years of blood and hard toil:
Sejarah: 78
Fiziks: 71
Add maths: 74
Maths: 71
But, there was one absolutely hilarious result I got for a subject, english...
Guess wat I got......................................................................................................guess guess..........................................................................................................................................................99%
Can u imagine that?????????
Im NOT HAPPY OR PROUD!!!
Just find it devastatingly FUNNY....
Hu gets 99 for english??? It makes no sense to me...
There were 2 essays and that makes it more illogical how I could get 99....
In fact, I find it stupid and insulting...
Dis just means the teacher didn really look through wat I spent 2 hours writing...
It's just STUPID!!!
Wat kind of teacher gives students 99 for ENGLISH wif 2 ESSAYS???????
4give my outburst, I just wanted my feelings to be made known that Im not satisfied with my grades... I rather get low marks than get a super-duper irrational 99%...
Anyway, I not satisfied with my other subjects either...
My mum is not ganna feel happy and jump for joy with me...
In fact, she's assuming that I would study the WHOLE school holidays and 'catch up'...
I wanna faint..................................
Well, that's my results, the rest still remains a mystery... (Im grateful)
Luckily, my heart didn went into cardiac arrest when I got bac my results... Thanks for beating bravely my dear 16 year old heart...
I guess I'd make my resolution now:
1. I will spend my long holidays staring at the book until finally something makes sense.
2. i will not be angry or lose my temper no matter how much my mum nags at me to study.
3. I WILL try to be grateful when my mum is tutoring me.
4. I will try not to think of wat I could have done instead of staring at my bio book for 10 hours.
5. My eyeballs will stay in their sockets while I try to squeeze some information into my useless brain.
6. I will remember wat I read until my SPM.
As we can see, all of them is quite impossible to keep... Or, I will die trying....
_end_
Wandering how horrible it was...
So, the last few days, teachers have been marking like half-crazes marking machines...
Well, we can say dat they were marking at the speed of light bcuz they had a deadline...
Hahaha... But dat may be bad news for us students...
Fast crazy marking teachers may not mark properly or even go through wat students have been writing for 2 hours and all their heart or blood that was shed while answering...
Maybe it's too dramatic...
Anyway, when I got my results back, sadly, I didn leap up into the air or shout happily...
The best I could afford was a frown and say : Maybe d next one will be better...
But, unfortunately, the next one was NOT BETTER...
In fact, it was almost the same...
This is wat I got after years of blood and hard toil:
Sejarah: 78
Fiziks: 71
Add maths: 74
Maths: 71
But, there was one absolutely hilarious result I got for a subject, english...
Guess wat I got......................................................................................................guess guess..........................................................................................................................................................99%
Can u imagine that?????????
Im NOT HAPPY OR PROUD!!!
Just find it devastatingly FUNNY....
Hu gets 99 for english??? It makes no sense to me...
There were 2 essays and that makes it more illogical how I could get 99....
In fact, I find it stupid and insulting...
Dis just means the teacher didn really look through wat I spent 2 hours writing...
It's just STUPID!!!
Wat kind of teacher gives students 99 for ENGLISH wif 2 ESSAYS???????
4give my outburst, I just wanted my feelings to be made known that Im not satisfied with my grades... I rather get low marks than get a super-duper irrational 99%...
Anyway, I not satisfied with my other subjects either...
My mum is not ganna feel happy and jump for joy with me...
In fact, she's assuming that I would study the WHOLE school holidays and 'catch up'...
I wanna faint..................................
Well, that's my results, the rest still remains a mystery... (Im grateful)
Luckily, my heart didn went into cardiac arrest when I got bac my results... Thanks for beating bravely my dear 16 year old heart...
I guess I'd make my resolution now:
1. I will spend my long holidays staring at the book until finally something makes sense.
2. i will not be angry or lose my temper no matter how much my mum nags at me to study.
3. I WILL try to be grateful when my mum is tutoring me.
4. I will try not to think of wat I could have done instead of staring at my bio book for 10 hours.
5. My eyeballs will stay in their sockets while I try to squeeze some information into my useless brain.
6. I will remember wat I read until my SPM.
As we can see, all of them is quite impossible to keep... Or, I will die trying....
_end_
Monday, November 2, 2009
I did it!!
HOOOOORAAAAAAY!!!!
I did it!!! I finished the inhuman torure of the dreadful final exams!!!
Oh my!!!
After the last paper, I would like to say dat I stripped down to my underwear and somersault around the classroom...
But sadly, that didn happen, no.1, I can't somersault even if my life depends on it (I'd probably break my fat neck) no.2: I dun tink my frens will still be alive if they saw me only in my undies...
I can't say it's a good sight, they might end up throwing up or in the ICU...
Anyway, wat I did right after the exam was...................................................... I felt happy.....
Yup, lame I noe... Wat did I expect myself to feel??
Well, so my exam days are just over like that... (wat was I expecting? Fireworks and lightning?)
And I have no idea how to celebrate...
My frens say they will celebrate with a GOOOOOD LOOOONG nap...
AHaha... I wish I was that lucky, I can't slp... So that's y I'm typing this....
So... I dunno wat my plans are... Mayb I'll go back to Gambang later... I'll be goin to Klang tmrw..
Well, I dunno... I just feel..... weird n empty... Now exams are over, I duno wat to do.. (Is dat even normal??)
Well, I'll not be going to skool nxt few days... Those hu haven't had chineses paper yet, GOOD LUCK!! You will need it... Bcuz I DON'T!!! (ahaha... 4gif me, I still haven't got over the I-dun-need-to-take-chinese-anymore-forever feeling... Maybe it will go away in.... 5 years!!! =p)
Actually, I might need my luck, I still haven't gotten back my results... Maybe it will cause me a heart attack and I will die a painful and horrible death...
Or maybe, it will be sooooo good, I myself will not belive it, and teachers will parise me for my hard work...... (Nah, nvr going to happen in a thousand years,,,)
Well, forget the results, I'll just enjoy my happiness while I still have it... =D
Hmmm... Going to ride bike later maybe...
People in the world!!! Im so happy!!
_end_
I did it!!! I finished the inhuman torure of the dreadful final exams!!!
Oh my!!!
After the last paper, I would like to say dat I stripped down to my underwear and somersault around the classroom...
But sadly, that didn happen, no.1, I can't somersault even if my life depends on it (I'd probably break my fat neck) no.2: I dun tink my frens will still be alive if they saw me only in my undies...
I can't say it's a good sight, they might end up throwing up or in the ICU...
Anyway, wat I did right after the exam was...................................................... I felt happy.....
Yup, lame I noe... Wat did I expect myself to feel??
Well, so my exam days are just over like that... (wat was I expecting? Fireworks and lightning?)
And I have no idea how to celebrate...
My frens say they will celebrate with a GOOOOOD LOOOONG nap...
AHaha... I wish I was that lucky, I can't slp... So that's y I'm typing this....
So... I dunno wat my plans are... Mayb I'll go back to Gambang later... I'll be goin to Klang tmrw..
Well, I dunno... I just feel..... weird n empty... Now exams are over, I duno wat to do.. (Is dat even normal??)
Well, I'll not be going to skool nxt few days... Those hu haven't had chineses paper yet, GOOD LUCK!! You will need it... Bcuz I DON'T!!! (ahaha... 4gif me, I still haven't got over the I-dun-need-to-take-chinese-anymore-forever feeling... Maybe it will go away in.... 5 years!!! =p)
Actually, I might need my luck, I still haven't gotten back my results... Maybe it will cause me a heart attack and I will die a painful and horrible death...
Or maybe, it will be sooooo good, I myself will not belive it, and teachers will parise me for my hard work...... (Nah, nvr going to happen in a thousand years,,,)
Well, forget the results, I'll just enjoy my happiness while I still have it... =D
Hmmm... Going to ride bike later maybe...
People in the world!!! Im so happy!!
_end_
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Last Lap!!
This is it!!
It's d last day of d dreadful exam... TOMORROW...
Tomorrow..... Faster.......... Tomorrow!!!
After d last paper, I will scream and shout, and take of my pants and run round the classroom...
Well, mayb Im not stripping...
But, I will be happy definitely!! =p
Im WAITING....
Impatiently.... =p
_end_
It's d last day of d dreadful exam... TOMORROW...
Tomorrow..... Faster.......... Tomorrow!!!
After d last paper, I will scream and shout, and take of my pants and run round the classroom...
Well, mayb Im not stripping...
But, I will be happy definitely!! =p
Im WAITING....
Impatiently.... =p
_end_
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