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Okaaayyy... So I'll start my mouldy blog with how we LOST at the B.Jaring com...
See wat u get when u put ur hopes too high??
Broken hearts...

We ALL thought we could win.. And we COULD... Just many careless mistakes... And we ended up blaming one another for our lost... How 'sporting' is dat?
But everything and everyone was fine after a h*ll load of scolding from everyone..
Xcept me.. I was the only one in the team emo-ing (if dat's how they put it)...

I dun noe wat's wrong with me these days...
I just wanna remain depress no matter how hard I try to get rid of the feeling...
I really hate to ruin other ppl's happiness with my freakish moods, but I often seem to fail...
All this while, I've been hiding under my own mask of happiness...
Nothing can touch me... I was just happy, joyful, carefree me...
But then, my armour was breached, and the hole is slowly getting bigger...
Now I'm getting more and more selfish. Last time, I wouldn't think twice of making a fool of myself just to make ppl happy... I don't care if they laugh with me or at me... My priority was always other ppl's happiness.. Now, the world seem to only revolve around me and my moods... I feel so selfish, yet I cannot do anything about it no matter how hard I try..

I'll just start blaming everything on my teenage mood swings... I really hope this IS normal...
I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up (die, pass away, pushing daisies...)
I want to bask in my own sorrows, but at the same time, I WANT soooooo badly someone to talk to... I need someone to open up to. I dun noe how much longer I can last...
I duwan to feel dis way, yet the choice is not mine to make...

I need to TALK!! Only talking and laughing can make me feel close to normal again...
But when everyone sees my scary mood, all they want is to leave me alone 4ever, even my friends.. So I guess I'm all alone to face my many problems... Even IF someone wants to help, I have no idea how he or she could...

Somtimes, I feel so confident. Like the world is mine to conquer. But the next minute, I could feel insecure and small, I'm afraid that even my presence may piss someone off... My feelings are like a roller coaster, only ten times more loops and jumps...

I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to laugh with...
I guess it's still just me and my moods for the time being..
And it sucks...




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RaNDOM POSTS

Huh~ It's been sooo long since I updated my blog...
I can skip all the apologies cuz I noe it will be years until the nxt post..
Just typing everything random I can think of..

Just finish reasing my skool BM novel 'Seteguh Karang",
and I did a very unexpected thing... I actually cried....
Ahaha~ Not that Im a real emotional person or anything (Mayb just a TEEEny bit)
Anyway, the story was so touching, abbout a girl who had to face her life...
Okay~ that may soung boring... But it's just the way the author writes it that makes it soo real...
I can really feel the main character's (anis) pain. I cried like 3 times during the whole story...
The feeling and the pain that Anis felt was really well described.. Kinda made me feel her pain as well.. So, I guess that's y I cried.. Cuz of some imaginary character's hardship in a story...

At least the way the story was told was quie cool and real (means wat ppl will usually think)...
Not that kind of typical malay lame stories where they have to repeat everyting other ppl say and act polite...
This novel has some cool jokes which most of the 'polite' novels lack...
Plus, what Anis thinks is really cool.. Haha~ She hates mushy love movies as well and will get mad easily... And there's kind of a twillight feeling in it... (just a bit, no need to feel insulted, twillight fans)... Ah~ a good story indeed!!! Hu tot that such a novel will be chosen as our literature.. haha...
So, in conclusion......... I LOVE this novel...

So, plz dun critisize the crying part of me... Just blame it on the teenage hormones... =)

And, I would like to dedicate this small portion of my humble blog to Hui Linn, if she's reading..
I really am going to miss you!!! I don't feel that I can laugh as hard without you..
You are by far the first person whom I think have the same sense of humour with me.. And I think I can nvr find another.. Hope tat u will still remember lil' old me when u r in Aus...
And don't u dare cum back wif an Austrailian slang!! haha~ gonna miss u, a lot... =)

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