Okaaayyy... So I'll start my mouldy blog with how we LOST at the B.Jaring com...
See wat u get when u put ur hopes too high??
Broken hearts...
We ALL thought we could win.. And we COULD... Just many careless mistakes... And we ended up blaming one another for our lost... How 'sporting' is dat?
But everything and everyone was fine after a h*ll load of scolding from everyone..
Xcept me.. I was the only one in the team emo-ing (if dat's how they put it)...
I dun noe wat's wrong with me these days...
I just wanna remain depress no matter how hard I try to get rid of the feeling...
I really hate to ruin other ppl's happiness with my freakish moods, but I often seem to fail...
All this while, I've been hiding under my own mask of happiness...
Nothing can touch me... I was just happy, joyful, carefree me...
But then, my armour was breached, and the hole is slowly getting bigger...
Now I'm getting more and more selfish. Last time, I wouldn't think twice of making a fool of myself just to make ppl happy... I don't care if they laugh with me or at me... My priority was always other ppl's happiness.. Now, the world seem to only revolve around me and my moods... I feel so selfish, yet I cannot do anything about it no matter how hard I try..
I'll just start blaming everything on my teenage mood swings... I really hope this IS normal...
I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up (die, pass away, pushing daisies...)
I want to bask in my own sorrows, but at the same time, I WANT soooooo badly someone to talk to... I need someone to open up to. I dun noe how much longer I can last...
I duwan to feel dis way, yet the choice is not mine to make...
I need to TALK!! Only talking and laughing can make me feel close to normal again...
But when everyone sees my scary mood, all they want is to leave me alone 4ever, even my friends.. So I guess I'm all alone to face my many problems... Even IF someone wants to help, I have no idea how he or she could...
Somtimes, I feel so confident. Like the world is mine to conquer. But the next minute, I could feel insecure and small, I'm afraid that even my presence may piss someone off... My feelings are like a roller coaster, only ten times more loops and jumps...
I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to, no one to laugh with...
I guess it's still just me and my moods for the time being..
And it sucks...
_end_
